"I don't regret anything, because I learn from my mistakes."
To me, this is one of the boldest, most audacious statements a person can make. I hear it all the time; it might as well be my generation's motto and life philosophy. Experiment, indulge, throw caution to the wind, and don't regret a moment of it. How ridiculous.
I have often thought of this; I have simply never paused to write it all down. I filled out a survey a few minutes ago that asked me what I regret. Well, I didn't really say, but I did admit that there are a few things for which I have a healthy regret. And that got me thinking about this again, so here I am.
There are a couple of problems with this regret nothing philosophy.
First is the fact that most people don't actually learn. Look around you, and you'll have to agree. Most people simply continue to repeat the same mistakes. Could that have anything to do with the fact that they refuse to allow themselves to regret those mistakes? Perhaps. Refusal to regret mistakes is almost a refusal to even acknowledge them as mistakes. But more to the point: what cause do we have to avoid repeating behavior that we don't regret in the first place? If we don't regret it, then there is no reason for which we shouldn't do it again. So maybe that is why people don't learn anymore. Or maybe there isn't really any one reason for it, maybe it's just a fact that would remain unchanged even if we did regret our mistakes. I won't pretend to be able to make that distinction, nor will I even try. The point, however, is very simple and remains unchanged: using the learning process as an excuse not to regret your mistakes only works if you actually do learn. And most don't.
But there is an even bigger problem with refusing to regret mistakes than all of that, and that is this: refusing to regret our mistakes is a slap in the face of God. I think a fairly good way to define regret is to say that if you could go back and do something you regret all over again, you would do it differently. To say that you don't regret a mistake you made is to say that, if you had it to do all over again, you would make the same mistake, even knowingly. That is, you would commit the same sin (to put it in religious/spiritual terms). That demonstrates a lack of repentance. It reveals an inability to recognize our own sin, or to recognize the damage it has done in our lives and in the lives of others. If you ask me, that is dangerously arrogant and brazenly insolent. It is a slap in God's face, and I would hope that I should never be so bold.
There are a number of things that I have done that I regret, for several reasons, first and foremost of which is that they were wrong, and a rejection of God, and that is always regrettable. But beyond that, I also regret the pain my mistakes have caused, in my life and the lives of others, and if I could prevent that, then I would. I also regret the departure of my innocence.
Innocence. Innocence is something worth mentioning, and perhaps in a less-than-obvious way, it is also at the heart of this no regret approach to life. Innocence, it seems, is almost a bad word today. No one wants to be called innocent, or naïve. How does that apply to all of this? "Experience" is highly sought after in all of this. Experience, not innocence, is that which is treasured by those who claim to learn from all of their mistakes. "I will try anything once," they claim. How absurd. "I don't regret my mistakes, because I learn from my experiences," is another way to word the basic idea that is at issue, here. And perhaps it is important to point out that "experience," in this context, is very much akin to experimentation. It is not the kind of experience that you get on a job site; that is to say that it does not carry with it any implication of increased expertise. Quite simply, it expresses a desire to experience a broad range of life situations at least once. It is this "experience" that is so highly valued and sought after by my generation.
Do you know someone that you consider to be fairly innocent and naïve in the ways of the world? Try this. Say to them one day, "Oh, you are SO innocent!" What do you suppose their response will be? I'm willing to bet it's something along the lines of, "I AM NOT!" I can't say that I've ever heard anyone respond to something like that by saying, "Yes, I am, thank you!" Innocence isn't valued in our culture. I think it should be. I am not impressed with the experiential "enlightenment" of my generation. I know a couple of people who have managed to retain their innocence, and to some degree, their naïveté. I envy them, greatly.
But I digress.
I have regrets. I regret almost every piece of innocence that I have lost. I regret pain and harm that I have caused. And I regret my mistakes, simply because they were mistakes. Were I given the chance to go back and correct them, or prevent them, I most certainly would. Were I placed back in that situation, only with the advantage of hindsight, I would pray that I should have the strength to make the right decision this time around.
But don't misunderstand me: I do not live in regret. I am not overshadowed by it, it does not haunt me, and it does not run my life. I have been forgiven, and that is sufficient for me. For all of my mistakes and more, God's grace is sufficient, and it has been extended to me. Regret is something that we must be able to release, to let go of, to give to God as we accept his graceful forgiveness. And thank God for that grace and forgiveness, for without it I should be forever haunted by my past.
So let no one think that I would advocate being consumed with regret. But there is such a thing as healthy regret. And healthy regret is not one that keeps us focussed on our mistakes. Healthy regret is simply an attitude that says, "My mistakes have been forgiven and erased, they are forgotten; but had I to do them all over again, or if I find myself in that situation again in the future, I would hope to make the right decision instead of the one that I made."
That, I believe, is an attitude that honors a God that has been so graceful to me. It is not one that, by becoming consumed with past failures, refuses to accept God's graceful forgiveness; but it is also not one that would knowingly, boldly, an unapologetically sin, and slap Him in the face.