I'm house/dog sitting at the Doheny's tonight, and I have found the movies in the bottom drawer. I'm on my third one right now, Con Air. Before that was Four Feathers. The night began, way back when, with The Cowboys, a John Wayne movie.
It got me thinking about respect and responsibility. Men don't have any anymore, and they don't show any, either. Boys sure aren't learning it. Chivalry is all but dead (there are a few of us who are still holding out), and as far as boys these days are concerned, it might as well be dead.
Men have no respect for women. They see them as things more than people, something pretty to look at and make catcalls at, and ultimately, objects for their sexual gratification.
Men also haven't even a general respect for others. Once upon a time, a real man was one that put others before himself. Now, it's all about "lookin' out for number one."
And last but not least...
Men have no respect for themselves. Now, how can I say on one hand that men care only about themselves and on the other that they have no respect for themselves? Because though they care only about themselves, they care nothing about their own honor, their word, their dignity, or any of the things that make them true men. And it is in these things, not in "street cred" or money or female conquests and trophies, that respect is found.
Once upon a time, a man cared first for others.
Once upon a time, a man worked from sun-up to sundown to provide for others.
Once upon a time, a man showed another man respect, while at the same time demanding that he behave himself honorably and respectably, so as to be worthy of that respect.
Once upon a time, a man's first concern was the protection of women, children, and the elderly.
Once upon a time, a man would have "physically punished" another man for insulting a woman's honor.
Once upon a time, a man's word was his bond, the word "liar" was considered one of the worst possible insults, and a good reputation was valuable beyond any price.
Once upon a time, men stood up for what was right and for those who couldn't stand up for themselves.
Once upon a time.
But that was then, and this is now. And none of that is really the case anymore. The exceptions are extremely, extremely rare. So what happened? Where did we go wrong? Well, a lot of things. I believe liberal movements that started off good but were taken too far are partially responsible. That is, men aren't men anymore because we've blurred--or possibly even completely removed--the line between men and women.
But I think there's more to it than just that. I think part of the problem is that men have stopped teaching boys what it means to be a man. We've failed to pass the torch that was once passed to us. (And of course, when I say "we," it's really a manner of speaking, since I haven't had any sons of my own yet.) Somewhere along the line, men stopped teaching their sons that their word was their bond, stopped teaching them to respect women, stopped teaching them to value honor.
And why do you think it is that this torch isn't being passed anymore? Simple. Because boys don't have fathers anymore. And for those that do, their fathers don't spend time with them anymore. I'm talking about QT: "Quality Time."
And for the few that do have real fathers that really invest their time, and indeed their entire selves, into their sons' lives, sometimes it still isn't enough. Because beyond that, they have no other role models. Or perhaps I should say they have no other positive role models. They have plenty of bad ones. Porn stars, rappers, and professional atheletes are our boys' role models. And that's a problem, because they are the complete antithesis to everything mentioned above, everything that a man should be, and everything that a man once was.
We have got to refocus their imaginations. Imagination is the key to everything. Because it is a boy's imagination that is inspired by heroism, galantry, and chivalry. And it is from the fantasies of his imagination that his reality is formed. So if his imagination is inspired by "gangstas" and "rappers" who have more-or-less naked women draped all over them, worshipping them; whose reputation and respect comes from how "bad" they are; and who worship Money before any other God, then that is the reality that he will seek out for himself in his own life. And if his imagination is inspired by pornography, where the man dominates and the woman is little more than a living breathing sex toy, whose sole purpose is to please the man in every way, even at the expense of complete and utter degredation, then that will be the reality that he will expect to live out in his own life! (Yes, I'm talking about pornography, and if it offends anyone reading this, then that's just tough. Because in this day and age, every male under the age of 40 either is currently looking at/watching pornography, or has done so--probably quite a lot--at some point in his life. So deal with it.) No wonder our boys are essentially acting like pimps and porn stars: that's the reality their imagination is trying to have them live out!
If, however, we can refocus a boy's imagination on honor, respect, integrity, valor, courage, heroism, galantry, chivalry, and selflessness--if we can do that, then that will be the reality that he will create for himself. And he will seek to be the galant, selfless, self-sacrificing hero of his day, in whatever way he can manage, no matter how large or small. Imagination is the key.
You want to know what it all comes down to? In a nutshell, boys are watching too much MTV these days, and not enough Westerns. You see, ladies, that's why Westerns are so great. Sure, they're fun. Sure, they're the original action flick. But it's not just that. It's that all those values that make up what a man used to be, and what a man should be, are found in Westerns. And we men come away from watching a good Western inspired by the character of the men we just watched on the screen, and wishing we could be like them.
And if our imaginations can be inspired enough by true honor and chivalry, then we will begin to strive towards the ideals of a past world that every guy dreams about. And that starts to affect the way we see the world, the way we see people, and the way we see ourselves. And if we can transform a guy's thinking, then we can change how he acts. And that is something that we absolutely must do.
The moral of the story? We need to watch more Westerns!
Our kids should know who John Wayne is. I know that one day, any boy of mine will have every single John Wayne movie memorized. My father and my grandfather raised me on John Wayne.
Now that is Quality Time. High quality time.